you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
