Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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