She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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