barbara walters just said penis...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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