matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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