Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
