I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
