Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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