Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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