So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
