I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
