I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
