I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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