My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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