What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
