I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
