Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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