so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
