Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
