i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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