I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, beer. Big fan.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
