just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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