We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
