he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
