UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
