Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pants are for mortals
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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