Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
