Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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