he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
