No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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