I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
