College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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