would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
