There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
