But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
