then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
