I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
