What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize