You can't special order awesome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
