You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
