I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
