so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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