sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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