You smell like stripper and shame
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
