Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
