Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
