My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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