he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
