Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize