you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
