you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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