I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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