I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
