Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize