my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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