the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize