Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
