I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
