I think im going to throw up on grandma
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize