I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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