OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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