I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
