I saw his package. It spoke to me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
