I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
