you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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