i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
