People in love make me want to vomit
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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