u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
