sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just high enough for therapy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
