I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize