Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
