you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
