I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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