Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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