so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
