I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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