i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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