i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
