I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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