i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
