im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize