Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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