he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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