You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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