like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
