I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
