Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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