so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
