There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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