Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
