his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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