I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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