Porn is love you can see.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
