Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
