is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
