You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
