Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
