My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
